Toxic or In Love

Do all high school relationships end toxic?



The damages of the heart behind closed doors.

Ari Flores and Solangie Henriquez

Students have different personal experiences which shape whether they think high school relationships are beneficial or not.    

Some would explain their bond/connection of their relationship with their partners as ‘soul ties’, or ‘soul mates’.  Soul ties are a strong spiritual connection on an emotional level with two people. Others, however, tend to find their relationships falling into the trap of toxicity, or that they do not provide them with anything emotionally.  

“If you feel like the relationship is unhealthy, it is bad for you then you shouldn’t be in it. I personally believe in soul mates, there’s no such thing as a predestined soulmate in my opinion. You just kind of like click with someone and that’s it. I don’t think it’s pointless to have a high school sweetheart. If it is part of your high school experience. I don’t believe there’s such thing as good toxic. If someone is toxic, they’re toxic for a reason. They’re either doing some crazy stuff, or something psycho something like that. You can’t be good toxic,” Junior Vinicius Evangelista Gomes said. 

Students like Gomes believe when relationships start to become toxic it is no longer needed or good for you, it would be pointless to stay in it. Toxic refers to a relationship that makes you feel unsupported, misunderstood, demeaned, or attacked in a relationship. Although, those in toxic relationships are blindsided by the toxic-ness itself, so leaving is easier said than done.  

“There are so many people that have stayed together throughout high school, and you also make a lot of memories. You learn a lot, you grow a lot, which is like healthy also in a relationship. I’ve personally been in a toxic (relationship), it was pretty toxic. I really regret it. But, I believe there’s no such thing as good toxic,” Junior Haley Ladd said. 

Several people believe that fate is what brought them together, because they have such a strong feeling that they were meant to be together, they decide to stay even if it hurts them mentally or physically. A more common viewpoint tends to agree with the idea that engaging in a relationship in high school is an experience with a mix of pros and cons.  

“Being high school sweethearts, has its ups and downs, people become like something you fall back on, you tell them your accomplishments and issues that are going on in home and they become your support system. And then sometimes that becomes very toxic. Because you need to learn how to love yourself, not try to love somebody else, if you don’t have that confidence in yourself. I hate having to label it as toxic. But there’s a lot of arguments and a lot of disagreements on both sides. You can’t just blame one person for something that’s happening, you can’t beg them for the bare minimum,” Jane Doe* said.  

High school sweethearts have been an awe for years, or an ick depending on your judgement of them. Over the years the stereotypical representations of high school sweethearts ranged from the couple that is always together, to ‘perfect’ for each other it is an eye sore. High school sweethearts that get married as teenagers only have a 54% of having their relationship last 10 years or more.  

“I don’t believe in soul ties because if two people are “meant” to be together then why aren’t they together? If our souls are tied and we are that close with each other and we can’t get over each other, then we should be together. Yes but, I believe that a soul mate doesn’t need to be someone you are dating a soul mate can be someone you are really close with and truly love them but not in a dating way. Just a person that you know is always going to be there no matter the situation,” Senior Chantal Perozo said.  

Soul ties are thought to be overly complicated. The concept of a soul mate without romance or lust is less likely to lead to toxicity, but it can. It is simply a variation of the idea of a relationship soulmate, complete with less labels and less pressure. The pressure behind having a high school sweetheart can be overwhelming.  

“I think high school sweethearts are pointless because you’re still young, you shouldn’t have to worry about taking care of someone while you’re still in high school, it’s better to just live your life and do what you want without having to worry about someone else, but I believe there’s someone for everyone.  Yeah, I never found it toxic until we broke up, it was toxic and childish on their part. But we were both pretty young. No, I don’t believe someone, or a relationship can’t be good toxic because you’re still toxic and it might still affect the other person,” Perozo said. 

 Multiple people also think high school should be a time for self-development and should be a time to focus on only yourself. Taking time and energy out of your high school experience to dedicate your life to a potential temporary person is not always worth it. Only 19% of people who marry their high school sweethearts attended college. When people are in a healthy relationship, they want to give them all their time and effort which leads to them not focusing on their future or career, less then 2% of people who marry their high school sweethearts earn a degree from college. 

“My opinion on high school sweethearts is that they will never last. High school sweethearts love in the moment but as they grow, they will come across several other individuals that might gather their interest so with that being said high school sweethearts are temporary and if it carries on after high school then that is a strong relationship and they were meant to be,” Senior Class President Jaoine Gerado said. 

People from older generations tended to get married right after high school because they were “in love”. There was not much in store for them back then so they would get married and have kids right out of high school. Less than 2% of people get married to their high school sweethearts. Now women have more rights to work and peruse their own career, vs being a stay-at-home mom. There is less pressure on women getting married, they just hold off on getting married due to them wanting to follow their dreams.  

“You need to learn how to love yourself, not try to love somebody else, if you don’t have that confidence in yourself then no one else would,” Doe said.  

* the name of the student has been changed for privacy at their request.